Sexual shyness

  • By Team TDO

Most people whether male or female are apprehensive about their bodies and most of the times it acts as the first impediment to enjoying carefree sex. The trick is really letting go and enjoying the sexual act, but since their mind is so full of apprehension about whether they will be able to satisfy their partner or not; sex often becomes something to be dreaded, something of a test to be hurriedly gotten over-and-done-with.

It doesn’t matter whether your shyness is pathological or just a natural disposition you can overcome it with some patience and some self-awareness.

How does one overcome shyness?

Point the Finger:

It is all very well to blame others for our misfortunes and advise someone to open up their mind for scrutiny, but it’s a practice that helps only when practiced in entire truthfulness from both sides.
It is uncannily true that we attract partners who reflect someone who is part of our lives or has influenced our psychological make-up. Thus a man with an overprotective mother might be looking for a mother figure in his partner, which might even affect his performance in bed- likewise for women. So the point here is that understanding relationship dynamics can help you open up more easily to your partner.

Talk about it:

Sex is where we are at our most vulnerable. So all the little judgmental voices that we carry in our heads then get magnified tenfold when we take our clothes off. Cornered to their primal instincts people would either go on the defensive, or go completely into attack mode; leaving the partner bewildered as he/she is probably clueless about your perceived slights and sexual withdrawals. Talk it out and smoothen the creases in your bed. Gradually come to terms with whatever it is that you are shy about. Is it your body that you are embarrassed about? Talking about it takes plenty of courage, but not expressing it would create further tension in the mind; and it could even make you severely dysfunctional in relationships and disconnected with your true sexual self.

Take a risk:

You want to know what your partner wants but are too scared to transgress that fine line because you are shy? Well it’s a river that flows both ways!

In casual sex with strangers it isn’t too difficult to voice your ardent dark desires, but put that in the context of a relationship and suddenly everyone wants to come across as normal and conformist. Your partner could be shy too. So that makes 2 shy people- TOO Shy people? So you be the first one to take a risk. Remember, sex is all about dissolving boundaries and becoming one. It is about experiencing all the possibilities that go towards fulfillment. So go on and test the waters. As long as you don’t hurt yourself or the other person mentally or physically everything works, even if it is downright unconventional or unusual it is legit and probably has been done before.

So in short, don’t approach sex like you have invented it, it’s a process of give and take where subtlety makes the world spin.
For more info on sexual strategies refer to To April Masini, the dating and relationship expert behind and the author of four books on dating, including Think & Date Like A Man (iUniverse, 2005).