Why long-distance relationships do not work?
- By Dr. Neha Agrawal
With the modern world of pursuing one’s dreams, having independent careers and trying to balance a lot of things in one go, life has become complicated. Love is a tender plant that needs huge amounts of care and nurturing. How does one nurture a plant sitting miles away from it?
Communication problems: The distance does create communication issues. It is not easy to convey your thoughts exactly when you cannot be face-to-face with the person.
Clock block: Being in different time zones can be a killer for the relationship. As much as you love to talk to your sweetheart, you cannot let go of sleep every night to do that. Managing work, sleep and love could take a toll on your schedule and health.
Temptations: There are handsome men and beautiful women all around you. It is natural to feel attracted to someone else. Casual harmless flirting suddenly makes you feel good. Moreover, if there is a secret admirer who was in hiding till now, beware, with your sweetheart being out of sight he/she is ready to attack.
Lack of physical intimacy: The wonder of human touch, a hug or a cuddle, is unmatched. You miss being around the one you love. Attachment may decrease with prolonged periods of separation.
Fear the future: ‘How long can we go on like this?’ That’s the thought which scares everyone in a long distance relationship. ‘My job is here, yours elsewhere’. ‘What will we do, and who will compromise?’ The anxieties begin cloud your mind.
Trust issues: No matter how strong your bond, being away from each other can lead to suspicion and insecurity. He hangs around with his friends there; she hangs around with her friends here. He is insecure of a certain friend of hers and vice versa. Though natural, it can be quite annoying for the other.
Can be very consuming: The dedication and involvement needed is very high. Whether it is trying to coordinate timings, sharing updates, or missing each other – it eats up a lot of energy. You need to put in a lot more than other couples have to.
Words are not enough: Your darling is not around to take care of your problems, to rescue you in bad situations, to offer comfort on difficult days and to celebrate the happy days. Words, video chatting and messaging does not compensate for physical absence. It can get lonely.
Lost in a virtual world: You need to be tech savvy. You are always hooked on the phone, the internet; continuously texting or emailing. You may start feeling disconnected from the real environment around you.
Bills to pay: It can get heavy on the pockets, and difficult to sustain, especially if you are not earning. Phone calls, internet, and frequent travel – they all eat up a big chunk of your wallet.
Fantasy vs. reality: When you finally come together, life may not exactly be what you imagined and talked about. To talk to someone the whole day is not the same as living with someone for that whole day. In some way or the other, your lives were relatively independent so far. Now, being together, the dependencies have increased and you may not like it. There are many couples who have managed to sail through the long distance but when it is time to be together, they give up in a few weeks or months.
Long distance relationships can take a toll on your love, not everyone can survive it. You need to decide if it is worth it?